Fall of 2007: Part IV - What Would the Holidays Be Without Litigation Threats?

[Think About It....]

Part III – 50/50 Starts

Part II - Support Hearing Averted

Part I - What October May Bring

LINKS to the 9-Part Summer Series

-----------------------------

More lessons for ensuring specificity in your legal agreements AND another example of how the BPD never agrees to anything, whether they've agreed, a court ordered it, they've offered the idea... once it's set in stone, the BPD wants to throw it through your front window.

I will find a way to file contempt charges against her (in response to what I'm about to tell you) in an effort to stop the madness, the frivilous litigation, and ongoing abuse of the court system.

As many of you know, I filed a contempt petition last January due to Psychex's custodial interference last Christmas (failing to meet at the exchange point so that I could have my scheduled Christmas Holiday and Winter Break) and for failing to follow other provisions of the court order from 10/2006.  She was found guilty of 2 counts of COC, ordered to pay (a fraction of) legal fees and I was awarded Christmas Week for 2007.

Due to changes described in previous installments (links above) - I now have 50/50.  The holidays are your typical standard alternating with one difference - and it is described in detail in my petition.  It specifies that as a result of the court's ruling in March on the contempt matter, the only exception to the holiday provisions are for Christmas 2007 which I am to have Christmas Week defined as December 23rd, 2007 through December 30th, 2007.

Now, you may also recall that she agreed IN WRITING to all provisions of my petition, including that one, prior to going to court.  We had two smaller outstanding issues to which she did not agree (driving) and the court ruled on those two items.  Aside from that, my petition in the rest of its entirety was to be made the court's order with the court's ruling on the 2 matters to which she didn't agree (unrelated).  The order is still being transcribed and we haven't received it yet, but that's reality - the order will be as I've described.

This morning, I get this:

Mr. M,

I'm trying to figure out the holidays...I'm assuming you'll drop them off on the 23rd...pick up again on christmas eve, bring back on Christmas day?  Can you let me know.

Psychex

Giving some significant latitude, I decide to reply as it is an "urgent matter pertaining to the children."  I send the simple reply which is the langauge of the petition, to which she agreed in writing, and to which we both told the court at the hearing - "WE AGREE" (which, by the way, thrilled the judge).  My guess, since it convenient falls directly between my two weeks - she has realized that she will not have the children for 3 straight weeks.  I'll get them on the 16th and not return them to her until the end of the first week of January.  This was and will be the only reply I send on the matter...

Psychex,

In accordance with the court order, this year, I get the entire week with the boys, December 23rd through December 30th.

Mr. M

Since that reply, I've gotten approximately a half-dozen emails, text messages, and attempted calls to my cell (with VM).  She is setting out to destroy another holiday season.  Escalating... threatening to go to court, culminating in her emailing me a copy of the petition she is allegedly filing with the court today:

Mr. M,

You cannot have them three weeks in a row.  That is bullsht, we weren't operating on this arrangement then.  You had the whole summer and then moved up here too.  If that's your position, I'll be filing a petition...and I'll be filing a modification of the child support too since I let you get away with $200/month.  You're a turd.

Psychex

Followed soon thereafter by:

Mr. M,

when were you planning on returning them?  I want them on Sunday the 23rd.

Psychex

Followed by:

Mr. M,

It would make sense for you to get the days you missed from the 24th to the 27th, but not the whole week?  That is not the intention of the make up time form last year.  I am sick to my stomach that you are going to do this to them.  I am filing tomorrow in the hopes that they will get us in before Christmas.

Psychex

Followed by:

Mr. M,

I don't have a copy of the new court order.  What does it say with regard to the holiday?  I am so upset right now.    You don't get the entire winter break...you get the Christmas holiday.  What kind of person would do something like this?  You'll have them for a full week and then I should get them back on the 27th at the very least because that is when you got them last year.   It's hopeless to even talk to you...you are an evil person...I can't believe this.

Psychex

This was followed by her voice mail where she tells me that she has a copy of the order and it "doesn't say I get the whole Winter Break.   :  Followed by a text message:

Mr. M,

I need 2 speak 2 u... 2day... the cout order is still in transcript... u dont have a copy.

Psychex

Followed by another text message:

Mr. M,

I am asking 4 a parenting coordinator too... that will cost us both!

Psychex

Followed by email:

Mr. M,

I'm filing this as an emergency.  Do you have a fax # the court can send notice of hearing to?

1 - 3 Omitted by me, details of parties involved

4.  On November 2, 2007 the Petitioner and Respondent entered into a joint custody arrangement as follows.  The children are to spend alternate weeks with each parent, one week with mother, one week with father.  The holidays are to be shared equally alternating years with the exception of Christmas of 2007, which is to be spent with father due to mother’s failure to exchange the children on Christmas Eve in [Exchange Point] in 2006. (I am not sure of the exact wording because I don’t have a copy).

5.  It has come to the Petitioner’s attention via email that the Respondent has decided to keep the children from December 16th, 2007 through January 6, 2007.  The Respondent states that “In accordance with the court order, this year, I get the entire week with the boys, December 23rd through December 30th”  A copy of this email is attached. 

6.  The children have already been told that they “will not see Mommy for three weeks”.

It is the opinion of the Petitioner that it was not the Court’s intention to take away a whole week’s custody time from the Mother.  The Petitioner does not believe that it was the Court’s intention for the children “not” to see their mother for a period of three weeks.  The Petitioner does not believe that it is fair that she not have any custody time with her children on her regularly scheduled custody week of Dec. 23. through Dec. 30th.  The Petitioner requests that the Honorable Court sets the parties right on the Court’s intentions for the holidays.  The Petitioner feels that it is very important for the children to spend some time with their mother and maternal family during the week of Christmas.

The Petitioner is requesting an Emergency Hearing so that she does not miss all of the holidays with the children.


Psychex

-------------------------

Their desire to destroy anything "nice" - even if it's nice for them is uncontrollable.  This will potentially be the 5th straight "upset" Winter Holiday Season by her.

You can see that she now unagrees to what she agreed to.  She can't remember (or won't remember) just how specific the petition was.  She agreed to it in writing.  She repeatedly answered "yes" when the judge asked her repeatedly "Did you read and do you understand all of the provisions of this agreement that I am about to enter as the order?" 

I must find a way to file a petition of contempt against her for abusing the legal system and using the court system to harrass us and undermine my custodial time with the children.  If I don't file something asking for relief, I'm afraid that herhonor won't consider doing so without a filing.  I'm figuring that I can at least get a contempt charge filed for her attempting to undermine the current agreement/order and ask for financial and potential custodial sanctions for her ongoing friviolous filings.  I didn't previously, instead choosing to verbally point out her litigiousness and telling the court that "...she won't stop, you'll see..." and wanting to avoid the appearance of being too litigious myself.

Now is the time to make the actual filing.

Happy Holidays!

[Mr. M]

Part III – 50/50 Starts

Part II - Support Hearing Averted

Part I - What October May Bring

LINKS to the 9-Part Summer Series

-----------------------------

More lessons for ensuring specificity in your legal agreements AND another example of how the BPD never agrees to anything, whether they've agreed, a court ordered it, they've offered the idea... once it's set in stone, the BPD wants to throw it through your front window.

I will find a way to file contempt charges against her (in response to what I'm about to tell you) in an effort to stop the madness, the frivilous litigation, and ongoing abuse of the court system.

As many of you know, I filed a contempt petition last January due to Psychex's custodial interference last Christmas (failing to meet at the exchange point so that I could have my scheduled Christmas Holiday and Winter Break) and for failing to follow other provisions of the court order from 10/2006.  She was found guilty of 2 counts of COC, ordered to pay (a fraction of) legal fees and I was awarded Christmas Week for 2007.

Due to changes described in previous installments (links above) - I now have 50/50.  The holidays are your typical standard alternating with one difference - and it is described in detail in my petition.  It specifies that as a result of the court's ruling in March on the contempt matter, the only exception to the holiday provisions are for Christmas 2007 which I am to have Christmas Week defined as December 23rd, 2007 through December 30th, 2007.

Now, you may also recall that she agreed IN WRITING to all provisions of my petition, including that one, prior to going to court.  We had two smaller outstanding issues to which she did not agree (driving) and the court ruled on those two items.  Aside from that, my petition in the rest of its entirety was to be made the court's order with the court's ruling on the 2 matters to which she didn't agree (unrelated).  The order is still being transcribed and we haven't received it yet, but that's reality - the order will be as I've described.

This morning, I get this:

Mr. M,

I'm trying to figure out the holidays...I'm assuming you'll drop them off on the 23rd...pick up again on christmas eve, bring back on Christmas day?  Can you let me know.

Psychex

Giving some significant latitude, I decide to reply as it is an "urgent matter pertaining to the children."  I send the simple reply which is the langauge of the petition, to which she agreed in writing, and to which we both told the court at the hearing - "WE AGREE" (which, by the way, thrilled the judge).  My guess, since it convenient falls directly between my two weeks - she has realized that she will not have the children for 3 straight weeks.  I'll get them on the 16th and not return them to her until the end of the first week of January.  This was and will be the only reply I send on the matter...

Psychex,

In accordance with the court order, this year, I get the entire week with the boys, December 23rd through December 30th.

Mr. M

Since that reply, I've gotten approximately a half-dozen emails, text messages, and attempted calls to my cell (with VM).  She is setting out to destroy another holiday season.  Escalating... threatening to go to court, culminating in her emailing me a copy of the petition she is allegedly filing with the court today:

Mr. M,

You cannot have them three weeks in a row.  That is bullsht, we weren't operating on this arrangement then.  You had the whole summer and then moved up here too.  If that's your position, I'll be filing a petition...and I'll be filing a modification of the child support too since I let you get away with $200/month.  You're a turd.

Psychex

Followed soon thereafter by:

Mr. M,

when were you planning on returning them?  I want them on Sunday the 23rd.

Psychex

Followed by:

Mr. M,

It would make sense for you to get the days you missed from the 24th to the 27th, but not the whole week?  That is not the intention of the make up time form last year.  I am sick to my stomach that you are going to do this to them.  I am filing tomorrow in the hopes that they will get us in before Christmas.

Psychex

Followed by:

Mr. M,

I don't have a copy of the new court order.  What does it say with regard to the holiday?  I am so upset right now.    You don't get the entire winter break...you get the Christmas holiday.  What kind of person would do something like this?  You'll have them for a full week and then I should get them back on the 27th at the very least because that is when you got them last year.   It's hopeless to even talk to you...you are an evil person...I can't believe this.

Psychex

This was followed by her voice mail where she tells me that she has a copy of the order and it "doesn't say I get the whole Winter Break.   :  Followed by a text message:

Mr. M,

I need 2 speak 2 u... 2day... the cout order is still in transcript... u dont have a copy.

Psychex

Followed by another text message:

Mr. M,

I am asking 4 a parenting coordinator too... that will cost us both!

Psychex

Followed by email:

Mr. M,

I'm filing this as an emergency.  Do you have a fax # the court can send notice of hearing to?

1 - 3 Omitted by me, details of parties involved

4.  On November 2, 2007 the Petitioner and Respondent entered into a joint custody arrangement as follows.  The children are to spend alternate weeks with each parent, one week with mother, one week with father.  The holidays are to be shared equally alternating years with the exception of Christmas of 2007, which is to be spent with father due to mother’s failure to exchange the children on Christmas Eve in [Exchange Point] in 2006. (I am not sure of the exact wording because I don’t have a copy).

5.  It has come to the Petitioner’s attention via email that the Respondent has decided to keep the children from December 16th, 2007 through January 6, 2007.  The Respondent states that “In accordance with the court order, this year, I get the entire week with the boys, December 23rd through December 30th”  A copy of this email is attached. 

6.  The children have already been told that they “will not see Mommy for three weeks”.

It is the opinion of the Petitioner that it was not the Court’s intention to take away a whole week’s custody time from the Mother.  The Petitioner does not believe that it was the Court’s intention for the children “not” to see their mother for a period of three weeks.  The Petitioner does not believe that it is fair that she not have any custody time with her children on her regularly scheduled custody week of Dec. 23. through Dec. 30th.  The Petitioner requests that the Honorable Court sets the parties right on the Court’s intentions for the holidays.  The Petitioner feels that it is very important for the children to spend some time with their mother and maternal family during the week of Christmas.

The Petitioner is requesting an Emergency Hearing so that she does not miss all of the holidays with the children.


Psychex

-------------------------

Their desire to destroy anything "nice" - even if it's nice for them is uncontrollable.  This will potentially be the 5th straight "upset" Winter Holiday Season by her.

You can see that she now unagrees to what she agreed to.  She can't remember (or won't remember) just how specific the petition was.  She agreed to it in writing.  She repeatedly answered "yes" when the judge asked her repeatedly "Did you read and do you understand all of the provisions of this agreement that I am about to enter as the order?" 

I must find a way to file a petition of contempt against her for abusing the legal system and using the court system to harrass us and undermine my custodial time with the children.  If I don't file something asking for relief, I'm afraid that herhonor won't consider doing so without a filing.  I'm figuring that I can at least get a contempt charge filed for her attempting to undermine the current agreement/order and ask for financial and potential custodial sanctions for her ongoing friviolous filings.  I didn't previously, instead choosing to verbally point out her litigiousness and telling the court that "...she won't stop, you'll see..." and wanting to avoid the appearance of being too litigious myself.

Now is the time to make the actual filing.

Happy Holidays!

[Oy-vey!]

Mr. M. - the Nightmare before Christmas, episode M & BPDx.

In the jurisdiction I reside, you can write a letter to the judge asking for a clarification of the orders.  Is that option available to you?  You can write a succinct letter, attaching her e-mails, asking him for verification that you do indeed plan to return the children on the 30th (or whatever date) and that you want to make certain you are following the orders that you BOTH AGREED TO.

She is insane.

[csandra]

What a WITCH.  So glad you got your 50/50...it's got to be better for the kids to see "normal" at least half of the time.  At least the travel won't be such an issue this year and you might have an easier time enforcing the CO.  What does your attorney say ?

[GENERAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Are you on the right board?]

GENERAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Are you on the right board? The focus of this board is about understanding the child, their needs, and supporting them in an intelligent and non self-sacrificing way. If your topic is mostly about the other parent and you are divorced, please go to Rebuilding our Life. If your topic is mostly about legal/custody issues, please go to Family law, Divorce, and Custody. If your topic is mostly about the other parent and you are still married, please go to Staying: Improving a Relationship with a Borderline Partner. If you need help moving a thread, please contact a moderator. We are glad to help. :)

[salt]

In hindsight, do you wish that you had NOT treated it as an "urgent matter pertaining to the children", rather seeing it for what it was...an urgent plea by the BPD to change the court order? 

She's so incredibly difficult.  That's my nice way of saying it.   

[hestia]

Personally, I was amused that she tried to argue her side - yet clearly didn't know what the court order said, since she asked you. And then she wanted you tell her the fax number of the court?
Clearly an idiot.

'Tis the season for douchebaggery!

[safetyfirst]

I think she wanted Mr. M's fax number so the court could fax him an order to appear for her 'emergency hearing'.

I did have to giggle at her pleading with the court that 'it's not fair'. 8)  Oh, my! Sounds like my 4 yr old GS!  "I don't like it, so its not fair! Boo-Hoo!  Poor Me!" Like the court really cares that she thinks its not fair.  Life's not fair.  Grow up!

[Mr. M]

In the jurisdiction I reside, you can write a letter to the judge asking for a clarification of the orders.  Is that option available to you?  You can write a succinct letter, attaching her e-mails, asking him for verification that you do indeed plan to return the children on the 30th (or whatever date) and that you want to make certain you are following the orders that you BOTH AGREED TO.

If I thought that there was a SHRED of ambiguity, I would consider it.  There isn't.  It's crystal clear, even without me having a copy of the judge's order "in-hand."  The judge understood we agreed to all but 2 of the items in my petition as written.  The judge specified that those items would be part of the order as written.  She heard arguments on the 2 items we didn't agree and ruled.  Those items she would put into the order as she articulated them during the hearing.  At least three separate times she had Psychex acknowledge that she read & understood the contents of the petition and her ruling on the two outstanding issues.  She said, "yes."

In hindsight, do you wish that you had NOT treated it as an "urgent matter pertaining to the children", rather seeing it for what it was...an urgent plea by the BPD to change the court order? 

No.  Either way, it was clearly going to be made an "issue" in a premeditated way.  She actually uses the same opening line when she is "confused" or "didn't understand" what was supposed to happen, and when I point it out to her, she files a petition for contempt.  So I knew this was coming either way.  This way, she cannot tell the court that I was non-responsive on a matter pertaining to the children.

I have a plan... and I stick to it.  The response was for the sole purpose of having evidence that I acknowledged her query.  I even said as much to mmm as I double-check potential pitfalls prior to make a decision to respond.  We agreed - just respond with what the order says (will say) and that's it.

I think she wanted Mr. M's fax number so the court could fax him an order to appear for her 'emergency hearing'.

I did have to giggle at her pleading with the court that 'it's not fair'. 8)  Oh, my! Sounds like my 4 yr old GS!  "I don't like it, so its not fair! Boo-Hoo!  Poor Me!" Like the court really cares that she thinks its not fair.  Life's not fair.  Grow up!

That's exactly why she wanted the number.

What's more (a common characteristic) - her cries of "unfair" are hysterical.  No acknowledgement that it was "unfair" that she deliberately withheld the children last year from me during my court-ordered, scheduled Christmas Holiday & Winter Break.  She was found in contempt of court on the matter.  What's funnier still is the relief as set forth in the judge's order at the outcome of the contempt hearing was the same - I would have Christmas week in 2007 for her failure to deliver the children as per the prior order.  I will also have it next year as that would be resuming the regular schedule.

She isn't evil.  She wasn't unfair.  Everyone is out to get her. :  She didn't "do that to the children."  And so on and so on and so on.

I figure I'll go for financial relief, another guilty charge for contempt of court, and beg the court to order her to start seeing a psychiatrist - not a psychologist.  Not therapy.  A psychiatrist.

[crystal]

Mr M,

Reading the series of notes from her is funny--because they are so ludicrous--contradictory,outrageous and just plain nutsy

. But incredibly upsetting and disturbing because they involve your children--her children.

Your strength and resolve is amazing.

Crystal

[Rose]

You're handling it well.   When it goes to court, can you counter-file for her to pay for your legal expenses / time?

[Rose]

And, what is your take on talking to the kids about this?  Seems that holidays are hard on kids, and it's a ripe time for kids to get to fall into exBPD's victim attitude, and then get mad at you. 

[doc101]

what a btch

you're handling it well

keep up the good work

Happy Holidays

[Mr. M]

And, what is your take on talking to the kids about this?  Seems that holidays are hard on kids, and it's a ripe time for kids to get to fall into exBPD's victim attitude, and then get mad at you. 

I don't like talking to the kids about any of it.  When the issue came up last week, I simply told them that I was "excited and looking forward to having Christmas time with you this year."  They expressed disappointment that they wouldn't see Mom and I gave the usual "it's unfortunate, but that's the way things work out when the family breaks up, we share time, we share holidays.  Mom had you for Christmas the last three years and this year it's finally my turn."

They seemed to understand, but they did ask when they would see her again.  I told them, "Our week together is next week, then we have the holiday week, then the following week is my week again."  S9 did the math and realized it was three weeks.  There was no temper tantrum.  Nothing.  But I think it's obvious that the discussion came up this week while with momster.

If she hadn't been so STUPID last year, I would have had them from the 24th until the 26th before returning them to her for the balance of the week.  She, as usual, made her bed and doesn't want to sleep in it.

[sonnyboy]

This is the nightmare.  Mr. M, you filed and won your contempt case against her a year ago, and it resulted in basically fees, a portion of them at that.  You, all of us really, are dealing with terrorists. 

What do you do?  You can keep going, I guess, in the same manner.  Filing counter claims, filing more contempt orders against her, etc.  I ask you, what does it accomplish for you? 

We're in the same boat.  We're waiting for the next order to come down the pike from the mediator/PC.  The only way to enforce the darn thing is a contempt of court order.  And as we can see, it does nothing.

I am appearing to be a wet blanket, and I am sorry.  But the truth seems to be that there is no winning.

When will it be enough for you?  When can you put your energies into your own life, mmm, and the kids?

SB

[Mr. M]

This is the nightmare.  Mr. M, you filed and won your contempt case against her a year ago, and it resulted in basically fees, a portion of them at that.  You, all of us really, are dealing with terrorists. 

What do you do?  You can keep going, I guess, in the same manner.  Filing counter claims, filing more contempt orders against her, etc.  I ask you, what does it accomplish for you? 

We're in the same boat.  We're waiting for the next order to come down the pike from the mediator/PC.  The only way to enforce the darn thing is a contempt of court order.  And as we can see, it does nothing.

I am appearing to be a wet blanket, and I am sorry.  But the truth seems to be that there is no winning.

When will it be enough for you?  When can you put your energies into your own life, mmm, and the kids?

SB

Well, the mistake from the prior contempt issue was not asking for relief in the way of future financial sanctions (or more) should she continue to repeatedly file frivilous contempt charges that are baseless.  All she is doing now is providing me another opportunity to rectify that situation.  $700 and a make-up holiday was nice, but obviously, not enough to prevent continued litigation (including two contempt filings by her which were thrown out with no sanctions).  As this is at least the 6th contempt of court charge(s) filed by her against me in the last 2 years, none of which resulted in me being found guilty (or even remotely in contempt of anything) - I'd say that's enough history to get the judge's attention.

This judge is "on to her."  She DOESN'T want to see us in court again and expressed OVERT excitement that we "finally have agreed" on something because it is the "right thing to do for the children's sake."

When she sees this latest filing, less than 2 months later... I can't imagine what she's going to think.

[kellaroo]

This judge is "on to her."  She DOESN'T want to see us in court again and expressed OVERT excitement that we "finally have agreed" on something because it is the "right thing to do for the children's sake."

When she sees this latest filing, less than 2 months later... I can't imagine what she's going to think.

You said you were going to file also.  ?A contempt againster her for filing frivilious charges or something?

I would wait until her charges go to court and then file then.  I don't know the system like you but it just seems this Judge is done with the nonsense and I would hate for her to being annoyed with you even though she is "on to her". 

Can you not ask for this when / IF it actually gets into the court room?

[Mr. M]

You said you were going to file also.  ?A contempt againster her for filing frivilious charges or something?

I would wait until her charges go to court and then file then.  I don't know the system like you but it just seems this Judge is done with the nonsense and I would hate for her to being annoyed with you even though she is "on to her". 

Can you not ask for this when / IF it actually gets into the court room?

Probably a good question for my attorney.  Yes, my plan is to wait until I'm sure she followed through on her threat.

I don't know the answer to your question because in the past situations, the contempt charges were typically hear concurrently with some other scheduled issue (recusal, custody) - and she makes a ruling and moves on to the next issue.  Her ruling is typically, I don't see that Mr. M is in contempt of anything."  My assumption is, if I haven't filed something, then I have no standing on which to ask for sanctions... but again, that's just an assumption.

[sonnyboy]

It begs the question -- what will the judge do?  Put her in jail for a week?  Mandate that her legal custody be evaluated, placing a temporary freeze on her custody pending such an evaluation?   

If so, then I may be in the same boat with hubby and kids...

[Mr. M]

It begs the question -- what will the judge do?  Put her in jail for a week?  Mandate that her legal custody be evaluated, placing a temporary freeze on her custody pending such an evaluation?   

If so, then I may be in the same boat with hubby and kids...

If jackson's nutcase can get custody of the kids, I doubt (for now) anything my Psychex does will rise to such a level.  I'm hoping to play on Judge Contempt's desire to not see us back in court anytime soon.  I really believe, remembering her reaction from our hearing in October, that she was really excited at that prospect.  Alas, *I* am afraid of what her demeanor will be if/when we reappear.

[doc101]

I'm not sure what the legal term is but you can file a motion on the day of court. You don't have to file anything until the day of...You may not have to. Just because she files a motion doesn't mean the judge has to grant a hearing. You may get lucky and get a big fat DENIED stamp to her motion before it's ever heard. It happened to my case two motions ago. A word of beauty, DENIED.

[bewildered]

As doc101 noted, motions can be denied without being heard (first time, I had absolutely no idea she had filed something - emergency order for this-that and the Judge denied it immediately ... second time, something similar) ... the more bizarre she gets, the easier it gets motions/ramblings to be denied ...

Unfortunately, there is no real way to stop anyone from filing motions ... and even if the Judge admonishes her, family courts are notorious for being very lenient on such issues - and she can always say "Poor me, why is the system abusing the most wonderful mother" and all that ...

Till the system catches up to the reality of who "Borderlines" are, it will always be tough on the sane parent.  the BPD?  Well, they do not know the difference - so they go they keep doing what they do best - Wreak havoc.