An Umbrella for Alex - Rachel Rashkin, MS

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An Umbrella for Alex
Rachel Rashkin, MS




Book Description

Emotionally abused children grow up with significantly altered perceptions so that they "see" behaviors—their own and others'—through a filter of distortion. Many emotionally abused children engage in a lifelong drive for the approval (which they translate as "love") of others. So eager are they for love—and so convinced that they don't deserve it—that they are prime candidates for abuse within intimate relationships.   An Umbrella for Alex tells the story of how a young boy learns to understand and cope with his mother’s BPD illness.  Written to be read with a therapist or parent, the book reassures affected children that they did not cause and are not responsible for a BPD parent’s volatile behavior.


The Author

Rachel Rashkin has an M.S. child development from the Erikson Institute for Child Development and is currently pursuing doctoral studies in Clinical Psychology. Her professional interests include parent-child relationships, trauma, transitions and identity development throughout the lifespan. She is the author of "Feeling Better," a book for children entering psychotherapy.  She is also the author of an upcoming book that tackles the issue of obesity in children. In her spare time, she performs in musical theater and has taught music and movement for young children. Rachel lives in Chicago.


# Reading level: Ages 6+
# Paperback: 16 pages
# Publisher: Personality Disorders Awareness Network (2007)
# Language: English
# ISBN-10: 1-4276-0298-0
# ~$9 US



Author's Comments to Our Members

Author's Comments



Other

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[Click Here]

[screamingfire]

Whre can it be found? Neither amazon, B&N, or Borders has it.

[Skip]

The book can be purchased for $9.60 through The Personality Disorders Awareness Network (PDAN). 

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Purchase Book

[ForeverDad]

I certainly need a copy too.  Maybe more for others I know.  The web site page doesn't say if there is a discount on multiple copies, so I emailed them asking about that.

We have a custody evaluation in progress now, if the evaluator ever mentions Personality Disorders or comes close, then I will definitely show him or ask him about this book, maybe even to my child's therapists, the ones who have seemed so unhelpful and, in effect, said I the father don't matter.  By saying unhelpful, I only mean anything relating to me as the father.  As for my son, I'm sure any help the therapists gave was better than none.

[Peace4us]

I just bought one.  Let's see how fast mine comes, I bet SF beats me, I have to pass thru customs.

My son is turning 9 and I think may be a good time to discuss this, will talk to T but even if I read it may help me.  Thanks

Peace4us

[hestia]

when someone gets it, please post about it ... if it's good, I want a copy. I have been searching and searching for something like this,

[BPDFamily]

Rachel accepted our invitation to comment on her new book and asked that we post this on her behalf:

"I feel honored and privileged that PDAN has published this short story of hope and healing. After working with children living in stressful home environments, I discovered many children had difficulty finding words to put to their experiences. Children feel empowered when they hear the voices of other children and books are a wonderful tool to facilitate that empowerment. The primary message of "An Umbrella for Alex" is: "You're not alone, you didn't cause this and you can't make it go away, but you *can* cope." The book includes several interactive questions in an attempt to facilitate dialogue between kids and adults rather than it simply being a story.

Similar to my first book, "Feeling Better", this book helps normalize the process of therapy so that kids feel proud for working through their thoughts, feelings and behaviors and not ashamed, bad or weak.  As with all my children's books, my primary motivation is to reach out to children and offer them some sense of hope that they are not alone and have the ability to work through their painful experiences."

Rachel Rashkin, MS

[Peace4us]

I too have ordered this book and anticipate getting it and sharing it with my children. Thank you.

Peace4us

[screamingfire]

I love the fact that in reinforces at 2 or 3 diff points that we as children don't cause our parents moods and that we can't control them. It is written in a very easy style for kids 9-12 to understand. Hell, it had me going "yep" or 'dead on" at a lot of points. I have read it 5 times now (no lie). What really gets me is page 10 where Alex talks about his mom being in bed all day and how his dad tells him it's not his fault. While my dad never directly said it was my fault he sure didn't go out of his way to tell me it wasn't. He'd try and get us to do special stuff for her to "make her feel better." It never worked and I was left with feeling like I couldn't make her happy...    
Anyway, this is a great book. I would suggest that for families with a BP parent that each kid get his own copy. That way it's handy for the hard times when we just want something ON PAPER, CONCRETE that says it isn't our fault. It can be their own touchstone where they can add thoughts to the pages or stuff like that. PDAN did a great jpb and I hope it's the start of more good things to come.
http://bpdan.org/
     

[Starry]

I want it! Can I buy it via amazon? It don't live in the US, so ...

[Peace4us]

I was told mine was shipped so being in Canada it may take a couple days longer.
I want to read it with my kids and now I am even more excited. Thanks for sharing how you felt about it.

I am working as hard as I can to diminish the effect of a bpd father on my kids and any tools I can get are so helpful. Books are a great way to start dialogue.

I am also interested from the perspective of how this will make me feel after so much realization about my own FOO.

Thanks again

Peace

[Skip]

I want it! Can I buy it via amazon? It don't live in the US, so ...

The book is available by private distribution from PDAN only.  http://bpdan.org/

This is their first initiative and they have been conservative in their promotion/marketing.

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[ForeverDad]

I should have ordered a month ago.  I wanted to order 3+ copies, but the original order page didn't provide for multiple copies in one order.  So I asked about it and waited.  Now multiple copies can be requested but no discount is reflected on multiple copies on the shopping cart's calculator.

Edited.  You can always contact them by phone or email and ask for the pricing available for multiple copies to your area.  Be sure to provide your zip code so they can make specific calculations.

[Purr]

Peace have you received your copy yet?  We also live in Canada and ordered our copy on May 21st but it hasn't arrived yet  
Can't wait!

Hugs
Purr

[srndpt0507]

It does not specifically say BPD.  It talks about moods, healthy ones and not so healthy ones.  The boy in the book explains that "My mom has unpredictable moods." And that she has a hard time controlling what mood she will be in each day.
Again, great book for children who have a low functioning BPD mom. Unfortunately in our case, SS's ubpd mom is high functioning.  I wish someone would write a children's book about HF bpd's that includes extreme manipulation & guilt.  Of course a book explaining that your mom is a supreme bull-sh*tter may not go over too well.

[ForeverDad]

And, in all fairness, another book depicting the moody parent as the father.  This is not a mothers-only mental illness.  Also, there is a wide range in behaviors between low functioning Borderline parents and high functioning, near invisible Borderlines.  (But I must admit the momsters to seem to cause so much anguish and turmoil yet are still given the most consideration and have little accountability and face few consequences in the court system.)

It's 16 pages.  Perhaps it could be doubled in size and have Part 1 for moody moms, and Part B for moody dads?

[mamabear]

Just a side child development note, even if you child is under the suggested age of 9, you can read it to him or her. Even babies can associate the calmness and clarity from the parent reading this explanation with strength and understanding. At a younger age, it’s almost a subconscious associate, but they can grow up knowing that they did nothing wrong in the face of an angry mentally ill parent.

[Randi Kreger]

Hi there:

If you have any feedback about the book, go to PDAN.org and you can send it to them.

[pinkrose]

Here's a link to another review of "Umbrella for Alex".

http://angiemedia.com/?p=842

The reviewer thinks the book could be helpful for kids with parents who have problems besides BPD:

Book review: An Umbrella for Alex
January 22nd, 2009

Personality Disorder Awareness Network is now selling a children’s book entitled An Umbrella for Alex. It is the first book we’ve seen intended for children with a parent afflicted with Borderline Personality Disorder. The book is described as:

    PDAN is proud to announce the publication of its first book, “An Umbrella for Alex,” by Rachel Rashkin, MS. It tells the story of how a young boy learns to understand and cope with his mother’s BPD illness.

    Written to be read with a therapist or parent, the book reassures affected children that they did not cause and are mot responsible for a BPD parent’s volatile behavior.

We ordered our copy via their web site for $11.00 including shipping by US Postal Service. It arrived in our mailbox about four days later.

It’s a short book, not surprising at it appears from the content the intended audience is children probably about ages 4 to 10. The front and back cover are cardstock printed in color. The inside of the book consists of 16 pages printed in black and white text and artwork. There’s an illustration about every other page.

Although Personality Disorder Awareness Network says the book is written to be read with a parent or therapist, we think the language used would be readable by kids about 7 or 8 years of age and older. Part of the point of reading with an adult is that at the end of most pages is a question for the reader to consider. These questions would be good to discuss with another person. We think that it’s quite likely a child could read this book with an older sibling or an adult besides a parent and derive significant benefit. Reading with a person other than a parent may make it easier to engage in open discussion if the child has been subjected to parental alienation and therefore may not be as open to discussing personal feelings and emotions with parents.

The book portrays a boy named Alex as having a mother who suffers from frequent emotional outbursts and mood swings. Through guidance from his emotionally stable father and his therapist Dr. Gillman, he learns that is he not responsible for her outbursts and bad moods. He learns to view his mother’s bad moods as unpredictable storms from which he can protect himself by pretending he’s got an umbrella.

The book initially introduces the concept of moods and discusses positive and negative moods such as happiness, excitement, sadness, and grumpiness. It moves on to discuss how people’s moods change, but that most people tend to not have radical mood swings. Then it opens up the topic of a parent with unpredictable moods. This behavior is typical of parents with Borderline Personality Disorder and certain other psychological conditions.

The next few pages cover how a person with unpredictable moods behaves and how it feels to be around such a person. Alex reveals that it’s very confusing and he doesn’t know what to expect. Further, he notes that his mother yells and says nasty things to him and it hurts his feelings. Alex learns that his mother’s mood swings, even if she yells at him, are not caused by him. She owns her problem, he does not. He should not feel responsible for taking care of her mood problems.

Alex’s father points out to him that he can do fun things on his own when his mother is in a bad mood. He can play with his computer, play in his room, or go outside to play with a friend. Alex mentions that when his mother is not so stormy, she can be a fun person, too.

Finally, Alex learns that it helps to have talks with other people about his feelings and the impact his mother’s unpredictable nature has on him. It mentions other adults, good friends, and therapists as being such people.

The book never uses any psychological terms such as BPD except for in the foreword page which isn’t really intended to be read by young children. Nor does it explain the common origins of the illness. The focus stays on the child’s perception of unpredictable emotions, how it feels to be exposed to them, and what may help the child to endure such mood storms. As such, we think this book may be useful for children who have a parent with other unpredictable emotional disturbances such as Bipolar Disorder.

Overall the content of the book is helpful. We think the message might have been packaged more nicely with color printing for the artwork, but can understand that’s not easy to do with a low-volume book printing that’s designed to help raise funds for PDAN’s goals to spread awareness of personality disorders.

Further details:

An Umbrella for Alex
by Rachel Rashkin, MS
ISB 1-4276-0298-0
US $11.00 as of January 22, 2009
Copyright 2006 Published by PDAN Press

PDAN
490 Sun Valley Drive, Suite 205
Roswell, GA 30076
phone: 770-642-4236 ext. 61
website: http://www.pdan.org

[GourmetGirl]

I'm very interested in learning more about this book. 

Q: Is it suitable for a young (5-year old) child? 

I emailed the people who publish it, but never heard back.  Thanks!