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There are many local live resources that can help you with support and information - from physical abuse crisis centers to suicide/depression councelors.

Suicidal Ideation. All suicidal ideation should be taken seriously. Many of our members are depressed at one time or another. Suicidal ideation is not uncommon in clinical depression. The Journal of the American Medical Association has reported that 95% of all suicides occur at the peak of a depressive episode.

Often there is a progression over time from harmless ideations all the way to the act. The earlier we intercept someone in this progression, the more likely harm can be averted.

To evaluate your own situation, click the SafetyFirst Icon.

Our goal in such situations is to talk openly about the subject (tips on what to say) and to gently guide the member to "live local help" in a calm and non threatening way. Local telephone counselors are best - they can do everything from just answering simple questions and being a friend, to suggesting places to go for immediate / low cost assistance, to dispatching emergency assistance in the rare event that it is needed.

Domestic Violence. Abuse is a pattern of coercive control that one person exercises over another. Abuse is a behavior that physically harms, arouses fear, prevents a partner from doing what they wish or forces them to behave in ways they do not want. It includes the use of physical and sexual violence, threats and intimidation, emotional abuse and economic deprivation.

Each year, intimate person violence results in an estimated 1,200 deaths and 2 million injuries among women and nearly 600,000 injuries among men. Domestic violence is sometimes confusing - the perpetrator is not necessarily a bad person or unloving or even badly intentioned - nontheless, what they are doing is very wrong and needs to be stopped. Behavior often starts modestly and then escalates. It is helpful to recognize then signs early in the cycle, to have a safety plan, and to get help to bring it to end one way or another. There are many ways to resolve an abuse problem including anger management courses for the abuser, to temporary separation, permanent separation, and others. Do not keep it a secret or "in the family" - you have a much better chance to resolve an abusive situation if you have help.

To evaluate your own situation, click the SafetyFirst Icon.


For Women: Safety planning should occur regardless if you are remaining in an abusive relationship, preparing to leave the relationship, already out of the relationship, or deciding to return to it. It is relatively easy to do, and if you ever need it, you will be glad it was in place.
More information.

For Men: In addition to safety planning, it is important to protect yourself against false domestic violence charges that can result in jail time and can be used against you in a future divorce or custody disputes. When arguments get heated, if you restrain your partner (even if she is kicking, throwing things) or if you push or hold her (even if she is blocking you from leaving the room or a the house), you are at risk of a domestic violence charge if the police are called - even if you call them. If it becomes "he said" "she said" the male is more at risk of being arrested. If you respond to stress by drinking, your risk goes up as it is harder to control your emotions, and the police will be less willing to listen to you.
More information.

Safety planning involves the following:

	Reading information about local domestic violence resources and legal rights.
	Developing detailed plans in case a dangerous situations occurs
	Developing detailed plans for leaving the location early, before a fight escalates (men only)
	Identification (notification) of safe friends and safe places
	List of essential items to take should one need or decide to leave home
	Supports (emotional and financial) in place
	Plans for obtaining a restraining order
	Plans for what to do if there is unexpected contact

Our goals as a community - if an argument is in process, encourage the member to leave the scene and contact a domestic violence hotline to chat (cool down) or for information. Local telephone counselors are best - they can do everything from just answering simple questions and being a friend, to suggesting places to go for immediate / low cost assistance, to dispatching emergency assistance in the event that it is needed.

If there is no dispute in process, our goal is to focus the member on developing a safety plan - this is the number one priority. Discussions about other considerations should be delayed until a detailed plan is in place.

DO NOT ENCOURAGE A MEMBER TO LEAVE THE RELATIONSHIP OR THREATEN TO LEAVE THE RELATIONSHIP WHEN THEY ARE EMOTIONALLY DISTRAUGHT

Often, leaving the relationship or threatening to leave the relationship escalates the abuse as the controller feels they are losing control. Also, a poorly planned exit is likey to fail (e.g., financially, second thoughts, being found, etc.). Leaving the dispute is one thing, but leaving the relationship requires serious planning and we should encourage members to contact domestic violence agency for professional assistance in doing this.

People in abuse situations are often timid and feel they have no voice. Care should be used not to humiliate the member by making them feel inadequate for being in their situation or for not being decisive or for not wanting to leave. The nature of these realtionships can be very complex, It is best not to say inflamatory things about the abuser, rather focus on building a seafety plan and then on ending the abuse.

Important - Please Read

THIS INFORMATION IS SUPPLIED TO SUPPORT MEMBERS. IT IS WITHOUT ANY PRE-QUALIFICATION OR WARANTEE BY FACING THE FACTS / BPDFAMILY. FACING THE FACTS / BPDFAMILY DOES NOT RECEIVE ANY ADVERTISING OR REFERRAL PAYMENTS FOR THESE LISTINGS.