MESSAGE BOARD MEMBERSHIP REQUIREMENTS,
REGISTRATION, AND TERMS OF SERVICE
The BPDFamily.com / Facing the Facts Message Board community provides education, support, tools, and perspective to help family and relationship partners of individuals with Borderline Personality Disorder traits or traits of another personality disorder (e.g. Schizotypal, Avoidant, Narcissistic). Membership is extended to individuals of all religions, nationalities, and sexual orientations.
The requirements of membership are five-fold;
||that you have a current or past relationship with an individual exhibiting Borderline Personality Disorder traits or traits of another personality disorder,
||that you are serious about improving your current lifestyle and emotional well-being,
||that you are willing to support others in the improvement of their lifestyle and emotional well being,
||that you will comply with the community rules and respect the board moderators,
||that you are 18 years of age or older.
Professional Members: Professionals may participate as regular members. We require that you not disclose your profession (e.g., clinicians, therapists, lawyers, writers, and researchers, etc.) to any members or refer to your professional training when posting as that may give the impression that you are offering clinical advice or that your opinion is superior to others. It is still required that you disclose your professional capacity to the staff. Thereafter, please feel free to join in the discussions on any of the boards that meet your personal needs. This disclosure will be held in confidence.
Members participating in a professional capacity shall register as a professional and use their real identity. We welcome your participation and your studies. Professional memberships are subject to approval - candidates shall provide credentials (e.g., license, IRB, CV's, etc) to the moderators upon request.
Members with BPD traits: Members recovering or remitting from BPD are welcomed to participate as long as they limit participation to topics about coping with a person in their life with BPD (e.g., a parent, child, etc.).
Members suffering with BPD traits should not attempt to provide a "BPD perspective" to other members or try to work through their own "BPD" issues here - there are other communities better equipped for this purpose.
Members suffering with BPD traits that have been active in the community for an extended period may apply to become "educators" and assist in educating the membership about Borderline Personality Disorder. There are guidelines established for this purpose. Please contact a moderator if you are interested. "Educator" positions are subject to staff approval.
Family Member or Former Relationship Partner Already a Member? Please contact us before posting. Dual memberships are discouraged except in the cases of Family Law or Parenting. Family members are not permitted to post in the same threads.
Registration is immediate and requires only a user name, password, and valid e-mail address. There are no membership fees.
To help members get to know you, you are encouraged to post an introduction on the board entitled "[L1] Introduce Yourself Here, Tell Us About Your Situation". Thereafter, you should post messages on the board that most closely matches your current goals.
Single Account Only: Each member may register one (1) account and user id. If an account that was previously set up cannot be accessed, and the "Forgot your Password" function does not resolve the problem, please contact us by e-mail. Please do not open up a second account.
Moderation: BPDFamily.com is committed to provide a constructive environment of support, healing, open communication and safety. This site provides members with terms of service which are administered by a moderation staff. At registration you agreed to these terms of service. If you do not agree, please do not post messages on this web site.
All moderation staff are recruited to rotating terms from the general membership based on their leadership and skills/knowledge. Moderators ad Advisors are required to complete an online training seminar to learn the site policies and procedures and then intern under a more senior staff member for 4 months to learn moderation skills. Moderators have, on average, 2,000 hours of service on this site or other similar support organizations. Moderators and Advisors are on board daily and can be reached by clicking on their name in the masthead (i.e., personal message) or by using the report to moderator button at the bottom right of every post.
Accreditation: BPDFamily.com is an HonCode accredited site (accreditation # 764876). The Health On the Net Foundation is a non-government organization (NGO) in special consultive status with the economic and social councils of the United Nations. HonCode oversees the reliability of information on medical and healthcare Web sites.
BPDFamily.com collects a functional e-mail address and IP addresses to improve the message board functionality and provide a means of communication with the staff. This information is collected and stored in an appropriate and secure manner. BPDFamily.com will not sell or otherwise disclose this information to third parties or use it to sell you products or services.
E-mail and personal message communications sent to the staff may be shared among staff members to facilitate moderation and advice.
Copyrights: By posting on bpdfamily.com, the author agrees that, for any content authored or owned ad posted by the author, the author automatically grants to all other message board participants, and any other person or entity affiliated with the message board, a perpetual, royalty-free, irrevocable and unrestricted worldwide right and license to use, reproduce, and distribute the posted content.
Use and Disclaimer: BPDFamily.com / Facing the Fact is a support group based environment where members are educated by the collective experience of others, guided by the academic resources published on the site. Clinicians often recommend that family members of someone affected by Borderline Personality Disorder have a strong support system outside of the home. BPDFamily.com / Facing the Facts is such a resource.
This message board is, however, not intended to replace the care of healthcare professional. Members are advised that it is not appropriate to use this message board as a sole source of guidance or information.
Unless otherwise noted, all members are posting as non-healthcare and non-legal professionals. The opinions shared on the message board are peer opinions and are best used in conjunction with professional care. Workshops are conducted by volunteer members of this support group; they are not a product of licensed healthcare professionals. BPDFamily.com / Facing the Facts does not endorse any therapists, clinics, therapeutic styles or methods or other means or ways of recovery that are posted on the web site or this message board board. The use of such resources or advice is the sole responsibility of the member.
TERMS OF SERVICE
BPDFamily.com is committed to providing a constructive environment of support, healing, open communication and safety. We ask you to do your part by complying with The Terms of Service set forth below and any additional terms set forth in a "Who Should Post on this Board" which is located at the top of all board indexes (example).
1.0 Topics for Discussion: Threads and posts should focus on topics directly related to your relationships with a person exhibiting traits of a personality disorder, your own emotional and spiritual recovery and healing, or fact based discussions about mental health and conventional mental health resources. See also Broad Scope and Audience, Titling, Editing, Unconventional Mental Health Content, Outside Services and Links, Potentially Contentious Content, Language and Terminology, Suggestive or Graphic Content, or Confidentiality
2.0 Ethics: Members are asked to disseminate only information that is true and correct in light of their knowledge. Members are asked to use only reputable sources technical information reposted on the site and to post reference information about the author and the source. Members are prohibited from recommending specific medical procedures or the use of specific prescription pharmaceuticals to others.
3.0 Discussion Format: BPDFamily/Facing the Facts is set up as a collegium. We follow a Collegial Discussion format which is characterized as having "authority" vested equally among colleagues/peers. As such, members present their ideas in "collegial harmony" and the credibility of their positions are based solely on the quality of the points they advance in writing. Diversity is to be embraced - there is often much to be learned from others views and perspectives.
Please note that collegial discussion is different than debate. Debate is an argument or a discussion generally ending with a vote or agreement on the best decision. In debate, unity is the objective. Members are discouraged from debating and arguing against others' positions, questioning the wisdom of others, or restating of their position repeatedly. See also Advising and Supporting Others, Respecting Belief Systems, Divisive Exchanges, Lying and Misrepresentations, or Advocating for Others.
4.0 Hosting Discussions: Members are expected to "host" of any thread (topic) that they initiate. As a host, the member shall be responsible to guide the discussion to keep the participants on target, encourage the contribution of other members, summarize or comment on the overall information provided, and otherwise be a good host. The host should contact a Moderator or Advisor for assistance if any controversy arises that cannot be resolved collegially. See also Over generalizing, Black and White and Otherwise Superficial Thinking, Exclusive or Cliquish Content, Excessive Anger.
5.0 Suicide, Domestic Violence, or Potential for Bodily Harm: All suicidal ideation, reports of domestic violence, or potential for bodily harm need to be taken seriously. Please don't "wing it" - there are established mental health protocols for these situations. Please review them (here). If you encounter one of these situations, you can get to this information via the red EMERGENCY button located at the bottom of all discussion threads See also Suicidal Ideation, Protocol for Domestic Violence.
6.0 Respecting Staff Moderation: This is a moderated community. The goal of the directors, emeritus, administrators, moderators, advisors are to provide an open, safe and grounded environment for members to discuss deeply personal and often emotionally charged issues. The staff are primarily in place to manage the educational and healing platforms, help keep discussions flowing smoothly, to mediate unproductive distractions, and to clean and organize the board to help members find things. If you have a question about a policy or a moderation action, please address it offline using the Clarification or Appeal response form below. See also User Names, Avatars and Signature Boxes, Dating and Socializing, Personal Messages, Off-board E-mail, Phone, or Other Contact, or Acceptance of Terms.
7.0 Corrective Actions: From time to time, the staff will impose corrective action on a member. This requires a great deal of judgment -- not everyone will agree, every time. If you disagree with the moderation or the conduct of the moderator, such discussions must take place via the off-board clarification and appeal process. Warning: On-board arguments or challenges of moderation or the staff are not appropriate at any time. Any interruption to membership privileges will require a request for reinstatement before membership is restored. If you sign up with another user name and post before the end of a time out or suspension or use others to communicate on your behalf, you will be permanently banned from the community. See also Appeals, Clarifications.
Additional Details of the Terms of Service
1.0 TOPICS FOR DISCUSSION
Threads and posts should focus on topics directly related to your relationships with a person exhibiting traits of a personality disorder, your own emotional and spiritual recovery and healing, or fact based discussions about mental health and conventional mental health resources.
1.1 Broad Scope and Audience All threads shall be focused on a single topic related to the host or a general topic for the community and shall be directed to all of the membership at large. Threads shall not solicit a response from another member, be directed to a specific group of members, or discuss the matter of another member. Threads posted in duplicate will be removed without notice.
1.2 Titling: Thread titles shall be descriptive of the hosts question / topic (not artistic, abstract, or sensational) and contain proper punctuation, and capitalization. Threads shall not be "marketed" with titles that use capitals, symbols, extra punctuation, or terms like "please read", "need help", or "must see". The staff reserves the right to change any title, without notice for the purposes of correcting defects or spelling and/or to improve the cataloging of the discussion for search by other members.
1.3 Editing: Posts may be edited within 30 minutes of posting. The edit function is primarily for correcting spelling and grammar. Edits should not materially change the original content -- please be considerate to the members that posted after you by not changing the content that they are responding to.
1.4 Unconventional Mental Health Content: While it is anticipated that most members have little or no formal training in mental health, members are expected to read and have some reasonable foundation before giving advice to others. Members shall post only personal experiences or the experience of a very close relative or friend and well grounded conventional mental health concepts. Please provide a reference or link for third party information. Collectively the membership is here to learn and grow as a group and it is important that we not recycle or reinforce incorrect or unhealthy ideas. With the advent of the Internet and self-publishing, just about anyone can make authoritative looking material. This puts an increased responsibility on members to check out resources carefully. Members may not use the message board to promote unconventional science/medicine. More information here.
1.5 Outside Services and Links: Members may post links to outside services and educational web sites - this is an important part of the education process and it is encouraged. Member are responsible to screen any material to ensure that it is reflective of conventional clinical or legal precepts. Members shall not re-post or link to discussions posted on other message boards or personal blogs. Such actions are often out of context, can be seen as disrespectful (violating of the original author's intention), as copyright violations, or as inconstant with the BPDFamily/Facing the Facts educational platform. Members may not recruit, solicit, or sell to other members in any way, or use the message board to promote other sites, causes, or unconventional science/medicine. Inappropriate links may be removed without notice.
1.6 Potentially Contentious Content: Discussions on contentious political, religious, moral issues (e.g., euthanasia, abortion), or social advocacy topics (feminism, anti-government, male dominance) are discouraged. There are other places to debate politics, religion, etc. and these debates are better suited for a venue where community camaraderie, trust and credibility are not highly held values. The nature of the discussions at BPDFamily/Facing the Facts are best held without the undertone of political or religious alignments.
1.7 Language and Terminology: Members are encouraged to express themselves and feel at ease doing so. The content of posts should use actual words, correct grammar, punctuation, and spelling. Chat room and texting abbreviations should be used minimally. Racial, ethnic, religious, and sexual slurs and vulgar language are prohibited. Emoticons are provided as additional punctuation to clarify meaning of sentences. Please do not use them excessively or for other purposes. Inappropriate language and excessive punctuation are periodically swept by the software.
1.8 Suggestive or Graphic Content: Members are encouraged to explore all aspects of their relationship including sex and sexuality. Lewd, suggestive or sexually explicit imagery or graphics, however, are prohibited. This is a family website. These posts may be removed from the board without notice.
1.9 Confidentiality: Members shall not post information that directly or indirectly discloses the identify of their family members, friends or relationship partners with BPD. This includes (but is not limited to) direct information such as real names, addresses, business/home/cell phone numbers, e-mail addresses, etc., as well as, indirect information such as pet names, churches, etc.
Members having off-board information about another member shall not disclose it. Off-board is defined as anything not posted by the member, themselves, publicly, on the BPDFamily/Facing the Facts message board. Information learned from other sources, including any public or private source, should never be posted.
Members shall not re-post or link to discussions posted on other message boards. Such actions are often out of context, can be seen as disrespectful (violating the original author's intention), as copyright violations, or as inconstant with the BPDFamily/Facing the Facts educational platform.
It is also strongly recommended that members do not directly or indirectly disclose their own identity. Members are discouraged from registering user names or avatars that they use elsewhere.
If such information is posted, the offending posts may be removed or edited without notice.
2.0 ETHICS: Members are asked to disseminate only information that is true and correct in light of their knowledge. Members are asked to use only reputable sources technical information reposted on the site and to post reference information about the author and the source. Members are prohibited from recommending specific medical procedures or the use of specific prescription pharmaceuticals to others.
3.0 DISCUSSION FORMAT
BPDFamily/Facing the Facts is set up as a collegium. We follow a Collegial Discussion format which is characterized as having "authority" vested equally among colleagues/peers. As such, members present their ideas in "collegial harmony" and the credibility of their positions are based solely on the quality of the points they advance in writing. Diversity is to be embraced - there is often much to be learned from others views and perspectives.
Please note that collegial discussion is different than debate. Debate is an argument or a discussion generally ending with a vote or agreement on the best decision. In debate, unity is the objective. Members are discouraged from debating and arguing against others' positions, questioning the wisdom of others, or restating of their position repeatedly.
3.1 Advising and Supporting Others: Members should offer advice as peer opinions targeted directly to the host of the thread. Members shall offer only compassionate, well founded and fact based advice.
Members critiquing, or challenging the advise of others should offer their comments in a respectful, positive and constructive manner. Members should respect and embrace the opinions of others, not deride them, and recognize diversity is an important part of the learning process. Collegial Discussion is the exchange of ideas, not a debate or an argument to be won. Our common interests and goals are what brings us together - let it not be what comes between us.
Please be mindful that one of the important roles we all have is to help center others, not pile on or inflame emotional unrest. Member should not "hijack" the threads of others by changing the subject. All posts should be targeted to the subject matter introduced by the host of the thread. Our individual thoughts and ideas are important to each of us. Members shall be patient and understanding of other members that are in different stages of the learning or healing process or have different opinions than their own.
3.2 Respecting Religious Belief Systems: We are a multi-national and multi-cultural community and narrow faith based discussions are allowed.
When a thread host raises a question with religious implications, they are entitled to a discussion that stays within the confines of the teachings of their religious culture and the specific topic. As a condition of posting in these threads, participants are asked to respect this.
For example, if a Christian host is exploring "why God allows mental defect, it" is not acceptable to interject Atheist, Buddhist, Hindu, Muslim, or agnostic based philosophies into the discussion. At the same time, however, it is recognized that there are different schools of thought within a religious culture and this diversity is acceptable.
Proselytizing, secularizing, debating across belief systems, or diminishing the religious beliefs of others is neither constructive nor respectful and is a serious beach of the discussion format. See also Potentially Contentious Content.
There is increasing recognition by leading experts of the benefits of mental and emotional therapies which blend ancient faith based practices (Western and Eastern) with more contemporary clinical practices.
3.3 Divisive Exchanges: All members should feel safe in their expressions; we are all here to heal from abuse. Please keep in mind that the membership is comprised of diverse experiences and backgrounds; this is a great strength of our community. Forum is healthy when conducted in a respectful, and tolerant manner. Under no circumstances shall members be permitted to engage in divisive or abusive exchanges or be judgmental of other members.
If you have an offensive comment directed toward you, do not engage it. If a you find the subject matter or a response to be triggering, do not engage it. Step away from your computer. If, upon reflection, you feel that there is a problem that needs to be addressed, please contact a moderator. The staff will investigate with an impartial eye. There is a button on the bottom right of every post titled "report to moderator."
3.4 Excessive Anger, Excessive Blaming: It is recognized that most members have suffered emotional loses and abuse in their relationship with a borderline. Recognizing that the borderline is mentally ill, and understanding the role of this mental illness in the relationship is an important part of healing and recovery. Coming to terms with the abuse and/or understanding our roles is also part of healing and recovery.
Anger toward the abuser is part of the healing process. Frustration, irritation, annoyance, dismay, unhappiness are healthy expressions of anger. Hostility, vindictiveness, spitefulness, bitterness , and vengefulness is unhealthy.
Indiscriminate anger and/or blaming directed at someone other than the abuser is not healthy. Defaming borderlines as a group, is unhealthy and may be hurtful to other members, some of which suffer with borderline traits and some of which have children, grandchildren, or family members with borderline traits. Members shall not exhibit unhealthy anger or blame, or defame "borderlines" in general.
3.5 Lying and Misrepresentations: This is an anonymous support group. Please use this anonymity to speak more freely and honesty than you can in your home environment. If you lie on an anonymous message board, you are not serious about improving your emotional well being or your lifestyle, and you're not qualified to be part of this community. Lying to us is lying to yourself and that is a poor way to begin change and healing.
3.6 Advocating for Others: Members shall not "petition for" or "offer to become" personally involved in any other members personal matters. This includes site activities such as advocating for other members or triangulating This includes offline activities such as involvement in smear campaigns, social network spying, filing complaints with employers, regulatory agencies, or police authorities, legal research or private investigation, or harassment.
4.0 HOSTING DISCUSSIONS
Members are expected to "host" of any thread (topic) that they initiate. As a host, the member shall be responsible to guide the discussion to keep the participants on target, encourage the contribution of other members, summarize or comment on the overall information provided, and otherwise be a good host. The host should contact a Moderator or Advisor for assistance if any controversy arises that cannot be resolved collegially.
4.1 Over generalizing: There are many similarities in the experiences of people involved in high conflict relationships. And, when we feel emotionally wounded, we often look for vindication and validation to sooth our pain. It's easy to buy too far into this "soothing" and lose sight of our role in the conflict and struggles -- and when we do, healing and growth come slowly.
Avoid excessive use of blanket statements like "they all lie?" or posing blanket questions like "why do they all cheat?" or "what were we thinking?". It's healthier to keep your explorations and comments in the first person by phrasing things as "why did my girlfriend lie?", "why did my boyfriend cheat?", And "what was I thinking?".
Personality disorders and traits have a broad spectrum of expression and every relationship dynamic is unique, just as each of us are unique.
4.2 Black and White and Otherwise Superficial Thinking: Everyone coming to this board comes from a very complex relationship and there are many factors for them to consider before making serious life decisions; emotional attachments, children/family members, finances, health issues, and other personal issues. Please read carefully what others say, feel free to inquire further, and offer thoughtful opinions consistent with their situation and their state of mind. For example, if a new member comes to the board, broken hearted after learning their loved one has BPD, it would be inappropriate to state that this person was foolish to enter the relationship, or is foolish for staying, and that leaving is their only option. Staying in contact, or choosing no contact with a person with BPD is an intensely personal decision, and coming to such an important decision takes time and a great deal of introspection. Each individuals process of contact is both fluid and individual, and should be respected.
4.3 Exclusive or Cliquish Content: Cliques can form within the boundaries of any large group - being rewarding to those that are included, and at the same time, intimidating or off-putting to those that are not. In a community where there is a constant flow of emotionally injured new members, many suffering from diminished self esteem, we encourage the established members to be ambassadors of good will and reach out to be as welcoming and inclusive as possible. Appearances of exclusivity should be avoided, such as name callouts, insider topics, insider jokes, threads targeted at friends, etc. Threads and questions should not be directed to specific members or groups.
5.0 SUICIDE, DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, BODILY HARM
All suicidal ideation, reports of domestic violence, or potential for bodily harm, need to be taken seriously. Please don't "wing it" - there are established mental health protocols for these situations. Please review them (here). If you encounter one of these situations, you can get to this information via the red EMERGENCY button located at the bottom of all discussion threads
6.0 RESPECTING STAFF MODERATION
This is a moderated community. The goal of the directors, emeritus, administrators, moderators, advisors are to provide an open, safe and grounded environment for members to discuss deeply personal and often emotionally charged issues. The staff are primarily in place to manage the educational and healing platforms, help keep discussions flowing smoothly, to mediate unproductive distractions, and to clean and organize the board to help members find things. If you have a question about a policy or a moderation action, please address it offline using the Clarification or Appeal response form below.
6.1 User Names: Members shall select and retain one "user name" and one member file at BPDFamily.com / Facing the Facts for the duration of their membership. Names should be of good taste - suggestive or vulgar names will be removed. Changing user names and opening multiple memberships causes confusion for readers. Names are not to be changed to reflect different moods or outlooks or circumstances. It is recognized that there are times when it is prudent to change user names (e.g., to preserve real life confidentiality). When a user name change is necessary, the staff must be notified prior to the change for the account to be in good standing.
6.2 Avatars and Signature Boxes: You may select any of the 600 pre-approved avatars accessible from your profile page. Custom avatars may also be used but are subject to approval. Given the difficult nature of the subject matter, members are encouraged to use light, upbeat avatars.
Signature boxes are limited to text only (200 characters, 8 pt font in black or navy). The content is subject to approval. Given the difficult nature of the subject matter, members are encouraged to use inspirational and motivational signatures. The only graphics that may appear in signature boxes are official ambassador badges (for ambassadors only), and the stock "outreach" badge (available to all members).
6.3 Dating and Socializing: Because we receive kindness and compassion here that our families and friends can't afford us, it is natural to feel that your fellow members are special. We strongly encourage everyone, however, not to use BPDFamily/Facing the Facts as a dating or social site.
Posturing for dating is very different than the openness needed for learning and healing - if you are doing one, you are not doing the other and likely discouraging or distracting others.
Providing too much information to a potential partner, too soon in a relationship, is a classic example of bad boundaries. Given the format here, this is unavoidable.
Using a relationship to solve problems is how a lot of us ended up here. Many of us are deeply wounded and would be better served to take the time to heal and learn about ourselves.
It is also important to be sensitive to the facts that many members would feel awkward and violated if approached (no matter how carefully), that many here are still in relationships/marriages or emotionally distraught or unavailable, that 72% of the membership suffer from depression, that many have not fully grieved their last relationship, and on an anonymous message board - you can't be sure what is true or false about anyone who posts here.
6.3 Personal Messages: This message board has a personal message (PM) capability so that members may contact one another privately. Members are encouraged to use this function with discretion. It is suggested that members not provide extensive offline consultations - instead encourage others to post their questions and ideas publicly. PMs should not be used for solicitations of any kind. [Note: The PM database is swept periodically, removing messages more than 90 days old.]
6.4 Off-board E-mail, Phone, or Other Contact: Members are encouraged to limit off board communications. In any case, members shall cease all off board communications upon request of the member they are contacting.
6.5 Acceptance of Terms: Logging into the message board is an acceptance of the terms of service. If you do not agree to these terms, please do not post on this web site.
7.0 CORRECTIVE ACTIONS
From time to time, the staff will impose corrective action on a member. This requires a great deal of judgment -- not everyone will agree, every time. Corrective actions iclde editing, reloacting, or removing a post, coachig letters,warning letters, temporary sspensions, and permanent bans. If you disagree with the moderation or the conduct of the moderator, such discussions must take place via the off-board clarification and appeal process.
7.1 Appeals, Clarifications: This is a moderated community. Moderation is a difficult position that requires a great deal of judgment and the staff do their best to uphold the greater interest of the community. Even though mistakes may be made, on-board arguments or challenges to a moderators or staff members decision are not acceptable.
Members have recourse about a moderators decision and all members have the opportunity to ask questions and/or appeal a corrective action. Properly submitted appeals will be reviewed and reevaluated. We suggest that you let any emotion subside before contacting us. If your intent is pure and your commitment to the process genuine, you are welcomed here. We are sympathetic to the difficulties you face - we all faced them too. We are open and welcome broad, diverse points of view, but not destructive behavior.
Warning: If any interruption to membership privileges will require a request for reinstatement before membership is reinstated. If any member signs up as another user name and post before the end of a time out or suspension period or use others to communicate on your behalf, you will be permanently banned from the community.