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MESSAGE BOARD MEMBERSHIP REQUIREMENTS,
REGISTRATION, AND TERMS OF SERVICE
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MEMBERSHIP REQUIREMENTS
The BPDFamily.com / Facing the Facts Message Board community provides education, support, tools, and perspective to help family and relationship partners of individuals with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) and other cluster B personality disorders (e.g. Narcissistic, Anti-social, Histrionic). Membership is extended to individuals of all religions, nationalities, and sexual orientations.
 The requirements of membership are five-fold;
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that you have a current or past relationship with an individual with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) or other cluster B personality disorder,
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that you are serious about improving your current lifestyle and emotional well-being,
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that you are willing to support others in the improvement of their lifestyle and emotional well being,
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that you will comply with the community rules and respect the board moderators,
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that you are 18 years of age or older. |
REGISTRATION
Registration is immediate and requires only a user name, password, and valid e-mail address. There are no membership fees.
To help members get to know you, you are encouraged to post an introduction on the board entitled "[L1] Introduce Yourself Here, Tell Us About Your Situation"
Thereafter, you should post messages on the board that most closely matches your current situation.
Single Account Only: Each member may register one (1) account and user id. If an account that was previously set up cannot be accessed, and the "Forgot your Password" function does not resolve the problem, please contact us by e-mail. Please do not open up a second account. If multiple accounts are detected, both may be deleted and the user histories lost.
Professional Members: Professional members on the board, participating in a professional capacity, shall register as a professionals and use their real identity. This includes clinicians, therapists, writers, and researchers. Professional members shall provide credentials (i.e., proof of license, CV's, etc) to the moderators upon request. We welcome your participation.
Professionals preferring to participate as regular members shall register using anonymous names. It is requested that you disclose your professional capacity to the staff which will be held in confidence. Thereafter, please feel free to join in the discussions in any of the boards that meet your personal needs. We do ask that you not disclose your profession to any members or refer to your professional training as that may give the impression that you are offering clinical advice. A message board is not a clinical environment where a sound client relationship can be developed.
Members with BPD: Members recovering or remitting from BPD are welcomed to participate as "family members" (i.e., discuss issues regarding a BPD in their life) provided, however, that they participate only on boards directly related to the "BP" in their life. A person with BPD should not attempt to provide a "BPD's perspective" on another members issues, defend a BPD's position on an issue (with the exception of discussions on the "Workshop" board), or try to work through their own "BPD" issues here - there are other communities better equipped for this purpose. BPD members that have been active in the community for an extended period may apply to become "educators" and assist in educating the membership about Borderline Personality Disorder. There are guidelines established for this purpose. Please contact a moderator if you are interested.
Privacy Policy: In order to provide a safe environment BPDFamily.com / Facing the Facts collects a functional e-mail address from you. Additionally, e-mail and personal message communications sent to the staff may be shared among staff members without notice. This information is collected, used and stored in an appropriate and secure manner. BPDFamily.com / Facing the Facts does not sell or otherwise disclose any information to third parties.
Use Policy: BPDFamily.com / Facing the Fact is a support group based environment were members are educated by the collective experience of others, guided by the academic resources published on the site. Clinicians often recommend that family members of someone affected by Borderline Personality Disorder have a strong support system outside of the home. BPDFamily.com / Facing the Facts is such a resource. This message board is, however, not intended to replace the care of healthcare professional. Members are advised that it is not appropriate to use this message board as a sole source of guidance or information. The opinions shared on the message board are peer opinions and are best used in conjunction with professional care. Workshops are conducted by volunteer members of this support group; they are not a product of licensed healthcare professionals. BPDFamily.com / Facing the Facts does not endorse any therapists, clinics, therapeutic styles or methods or other means or ways of recovery that are posted on the web site or this message board. The use of such resources or advice is the sole responsibility of the member.
TERMS OF SERVICE
Facing the Facts is a HonCode accredited site (accreditation # 764876). The Health On the Net Foundation is an nongovernment organization (NGO) in special consultive status with the economic and social councils of the United Nations. HonCode oversees the reliability of information on medical and healthcare Web sites.
  Facing the Facts is committed to provide an environment of support, healing, open communication and safety. We ask you to do your part by complying with The Terms of Service set forth below.
Topics for Discussion: Threads and posts should focus on topics directly related to your relationships with a person affected by a personality disorder or your emotional recovery and healing. As part of our commitment to HonCode, members are prohibited from recommending specific medical procedures or the use of specific prescription pharmaceuticals (other limitations).
Format: FORUM is a collegial venue characterized by or having "authority" vested equally among colleagues/peers. Colleagues/peers in "collegial harmony" present as equals and the credibility of their positions is based solely on the quality of the position they advance in writing. Diversity is the objective
Forum is different than debate. Debate is an argument or a discussion generally ending with a vote or best decision. In debate, unity is the objective. At Facing the Facts members are discouraged from debating - arguing against others' positions, questioning the wisdom of others, or restating of their position repeatedly.
Hosting Discussions: Members are expected to be the "host" of any thread (topic) that they initiate. As a host, the member should guide the discussion to keep it on target, encourage the contribution of other members, summarize or comment on the overall information provided, and otherwise be a good host.
If, as host, you find advice from members to be emotionally triggering or if you feel misunderstood, please contact a moderator to have your thread locked.
All threads should be centered on the hosts needs and directed to the membership at large. In no circumstance should a thread be started that specifically solicits a response from another member or is directed to a specific group of members.
Advising and Supporting Others: Members shall offer only compassionate, well founded, fact based advice. While it is anticipated that most members have little or no formal training in therapy, members are expected to read and have some reasonable foundation before giving advice to others. Collectively the membership is here to learn and grow as a group and it is important that we not recycle or reinforce incorrect or unhealthy ideas.
Members should offer advice as peer opinions targeted directly to the host of the thread. Members shall be patient and understanding of other members that are in different stages of the learning or healing process or have different opinions that their own.
Members critiquing, or challenging the advise of others should offer their comments in a respectful, positive and constructive manner. Members should respect and embrace the opinions of others, not deride them, and recognize diversity is an important part of the learning process. Forum is the exchange of ideas, not a debate or an argument to be won. Our common interests and goals are what brings us together - let it not be what comes between us.
Member should not "hijack" the threads of others by changing the subject. All posts should be targeted to the subject matter introduced by the host of the thread. Our individual thoughts and ideas are important to each of us.
Advocacy: Members shall not "petition for" or "offer to become" personally involved in any other members personal matters. This includes, but is not limited to involvement in smear campaigns, social network spying, filing complaints with employers, regulatory agencies, or police authorities, legal research or private investigation, or harassment.
Suggestive or Graphic Content: Member are encouraged to explore all aspects of their relationship, including sex, and sexuality. Lewd, suggestive or sexually explicit imagery or graphics, however, are prohibited. This is a public forum. These posts will be removed from the board without warning.
Potentially Contentious Content: Discussions on contentious political, religious, moral issues (e.g., euthanasia, abortion), or social advocacy topics (feminism, anti-government, male dominance) are discouraged. There are other venues better suited for this. There are other places to debate politics, religion, etc. and these debates are better suited for an venue where community camaraderie and trust and credibility are not a highly held values. The nature of the discussions at BPDFamily are best without the undertone of political or religious alignments.
Exclusive or Cliquish Content: Cliques can form within the boundaries of a larger group - being rewarding to those that are included, and at the same time, intimidating or off-putting to those that are not. In a community where there is a constant flow of emotionally injured new members, many suffering from diminished self esteem, we encourage the established members to be ambassadors of good will and reach out and be as welcoming and inclusive as possible. Appearances of exclusivity should be avoided, such as insider topics, insider jokes, threads targeted at friends, etc..
Outside Services and Links: Members may post links to outside services and educational web sites - this is an important part of the education process and encouraged. Member are responsible to screen any material to ensure that it is reflective of conventional clinical or legal precepts.
Members may not recruit, solicit, or sell to other members in any way, or use the message board to promote other sites, causes, or unconventional science/medicine .
Confidentiality: Members shall not post information that directly or indirectly discloses the identify of their family members, friends or relationship partners with BPD. This includes (but is not limited to) direct information such as real names, addresses, business/home/cell phone numbers, e-mail addresses, etc., as well as, indirect information such as pet names, churches, etc.
Members having off-board information about another member shall not disclose it. Off-board is defined as anything not posted by the member, themselves, publicly, on the BPDFamily message board. Information learned from other sources, including any public or private source, should never be posted.
Members shall not re-post or link to discussions posted on other message boards. Such actions are often out of context, can be seen as disrespectful (violating of the original author's intention), as copyright violations, or as inconstant with the BPDFamily educational platform.
It is also strongly recommended that members do not directly or indirectly disclose their own identity. You are discouraged from registering user names or avatars that you have used elsewhere, or disclosing personal facts that would be identifying to people in your life.
If such information is posted, the offending posts will be removed without warning.
User Name: Members should select and retain one "user name" at BPDFamily. Improperly changing user names causes confusion to readers and could result in your account being deleted as spam.
Members returning after a break and/or wishing to delete their account history and start anew should 1) retain their original user name, and 2) post a new introduction.
It is recognized that there are times when it is prudent to change user names (e.g., to preserve real life confidentiality). Members have the user option to do this. However, when a user name is changed, the moderators must be notified of the change for the account to be in good standing.
Titles : The titles of posts should contain proper punctuation, capitalization, and be descriptive of the hosts topic. The titles should not be marketed with the use of capitals, symbols, extra punctuation, or terms like "please read", "need help", or "must see".
Language and Terminology: Members are encouraged to express themselves and feel at ease doing so. The content of posts should use actual words, correct grammar and spelling. Chat room and testing abbreviations should be used minimally. Racial, ethnic, religious, and sexual slurs are prohibited. Vulgar language is prohibited.
Avatars and Signature Boxes: You may select any of the 600 pre-approved avatars accessible from your profile page. Custom avatars may also be used but are subject to approval. Given the difficult nature of the subject matter, members are encouraged to use light, upbeat avatars.
Signature boxes are limited to text only (200 characters, 8 pt font in black or navy). The content is subject to approval. Given the difficult nature of the subject matter, members are encouraged to use inspirational and motivational signatures. The only graphics that may appear in signature boxes are official ambassador badges (for ambassadors only), and the stock "outreach" badge (available to all members).
Socializing:
Because we receive kindness and compassion here that our families and friends can't afford us, it is natural to feel that your fellow members are special. We strongly encourage everyone, however, not to use BPDFamily as dating or social site.
Posturing for dating is very different than the openness needed for learning and healing - if you are doing one, you are not doing the other and likely discouraging or distracting others.
Providing too much information to a potential partner, too soon in a relationship, is a classic example of bad boundaries. Given the format here, this is unavoidable.
Using a relationship to solve problems is how a lot of us ended up here. Many of us are deeply wounded and would be better served to take the time to heal and learn about ourselves.
It is also important to be sensitive to the facts that many members would feel awkward and violated if approached (no matter how carefully), that many here are still in relationships/marriages or emotionally distraught or unavailable, that 72% of the membership suffer from depression, that many have not fully grieved their last relationship, and on an anonymous message board - you can't be sure what is true or false about anyone who posts here.
Personal Messages: This message board has a personal message (PM) capability so that members may contact one another privately. Members are encouraged to use this function with discretion. It is suggested that members not provide extensive offline consultations - instead encourage others to post their questions and ideas publicly. PMs should not be used for solicitations of any kind. [Note: The PM database is swept periodically, removing messages more than 90 days old.]
Off Board E-mail, Phone, or Other Contact: Members are encouraged to limit off board communications. In any case, members shall cease all off board communications upon request of the member they are contacting.
Potential for Bodily Harm - Suicide: All suicidal ideation or threats are to be taken seriously. Many of our members are depressed at one time or another. Suicidal ideation is not uncommon in depression. The Journal of the American Medical Association has reported that 95% of all suicides occur at the peak of a depressive episode and often there is a progression from harmless ideations all the way to the act. The earlier we intercept someone in this progression, the more likely a suicide can be averted. Our goal in such situations is to stay in communication (tips on what to say), talk openly about the subject, and to gently guide the member to "live help" in a calm and non threatening way - typically a local suicide telephone chat line where the counselors can do everything from just answering simple questions and being a friend, to affecting phone traces and dispatching emergency teams.
Lookup Local Suicide Chat Lines (enter area code, or state, or and state/county)
Black and White and Otherwise Superficial Thinking: Everyone coming to this board comes from a very complex relationship and there are many factors for them to consider before making serious life decisions; emotional attachments, children/family members, finances, health issues, and other personal issues. Please read carefully what others say, feel free to inquire further, and offer thoughtful opinions consistent with their situation and their state of mind. For example, if a new member comes to the board, broken hearted after learning their loved one has BPD, it would be inappropriate to state that this person was foolish to enter the relationship, or is foolish for staying, and that leaving is their only option. Staying in contact, or choosing no contact with a BPD is an intensely personal decision, and coming to such an important decision takes time and a great deal of introspection. Each individuals process of contact is both fluid and individual, and should be respected.
Lying and Misrepresentations: This is an anonymous support group. Please use this anonymity to speak more freely and honesty than you can in your home environment. If you lie on an anonymous message board, you are not serious about improving your emotional well being or your lifestyle, and you're not qualified to be part of this community. Lying to us is lying to yourself and that is a poor way to begin change and healing.
Divisive or Abusive Exchanges: All members should feel safe in their expressions; we are all here to heal from abuse. Please keep in mind that the membership is comprised of diverse experiences and backgrounds; this is a great strength of our community. Forum is healthy when conducted in a respectful, and tolerant manner. Under no circumstances shall members be permitted to engage in divisive or abusive exchanges or be judgemental of other members.
If you have an offensive comment directed toward you, do not engage it. If a you find the subject matter or a response to be triggering, do not engage it. Step away from your computer. If, upon reflection, you feel that there is a problem that needs to be addressed, please contact a moderator. The staff will investigate with an impartial eye. There is a button on the bottom right of every thread for "report to moderator."
Excessive Anger, Excessive Blaming: It is recognized that most members have suffered emotional loses and abuse in their relationship with a “borderline”. Recognizing that the “borderline” is mentally ill, and understanding the role of this mental illness in the relationship is an important part of healing and recovery. Coming to terms with the abuse and/or understanding our roles is also part of healing and recovery.
Anger toward the abuser, particularly an oppressive abuser, is part of the healing process. However, indiscriminate anger, and or blaming directed at others other than the abuser is not healthy. Defaming “borderlines” as a group, is unhealthy and may be hurtful to other members, some of which are "borderline" and some of which have "borderline" children or grandchildren. Members shall not exhibit unhealthy anger or blame, or defame "borderlines" in general.
Respecting Host Moderation: The initiator of a thread ("the host") is the first line moderator of that thread. Please respect that the topic of the host is important to the host. If you are uncomfortable with the discussion, its best to stay out and let it run its course with other members. If you want to post an opposing point of view, do so in a constructive manner.
Respecting Staff Moderation: The moderators goal (directors, charter members, emeritus, administrators, moderators, advisors) is to provide an open and safe environment for members to discuss deeply personal and often emotionally charged issues.
These individuals are primarily in place to help keep discussions going smoothly, and to mediate unproductive distractions, like misunderstandings between members, or someone having an overly emotional or sensitive moment (keep in mind, many people are emotionally distraught and dealing with difficult personal issues and can become overcome with emotion), to clean and organize the board, and ridding the board of spammers, and the occasional saboteur.
This is a difficult position for that requires a great deal judgement and staff does their best to uphold the greater interest of the membership. Mistakes may be made, however, on board arguments or challenges of the decisions of moderation or the staff member communicating them will not be tolerated. These posts will be removed from the board without warning. If you disagree with the moderation or the conduct of the moderator, such discussions must take place via PM (contact any staff member). Constructively submitted moderation disputes will be carefully evaluated... we make mistakes and we do our best to acknowledge them and resolve them.
Corrective Actions To maintain a safe environment, the staff will impose corrective action when necessary. Any interruption to membership privileges will require a request for reinstatement. Note: If you sign up as another user name and post before the end of a "suspension" or use others to communicate on your behalf, you will be permanently banned.
Clarifications, Appeals You have recourse about a moderation decision and you have the ability to ask questions and/or appeal a corrective action. Properly submitted complaints, or appeals will be reviewed by the staff as a group and re-evaluated. We suggest that you let the emotion subside before you PM us. If your intent is pure and your commitment to the process genuine, you are welcomed here. We are sympathetic to the difficulties you face - we all faced them too. We are open and welcome broad, diverse points of view (but not destructive behavior).
Copyrights: By posting on www.bpdfamily.com, the author agrees that, for any content authored or owned by the author, the author automatically grants to all other message board participants, and any other person or entity affiliated with the message board, a perpetual, royalty-free, irrevocable and unrestricted worldwide right and license to use, reproduce, and distribute the posted content for the limited purposes of discussion and commentary.
Acceptance of Terms: Logging into the message board is an acceptance of the terms of service. If you do not agree to these terms, please do not post on this web site.
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